praise the lord & pass the good nutrition ... my jeans fit better!

Just this morning I finally noticed my jeans are hanging a little looser. Not much. Just enough for me to notice. But also just enough for me to open up my brain to The Future Lindsay.

I was sucking in ... maybe a little.

I've been very happy to take on good habits for their own sake (and proud of myself, too). I have this idea that I want to set a preliminary weight goal of 115 (I'm about 124 now). I know I want to be stronger and stand up straighter.

But those goals have felt far off and detached. All the work I've been doing for nearly two months has made me feel *good*, but in only barely-discernible ways.

Which has suggested to me a homeostasis. Healthfulness but little change otherwise.

And then Boom. Bam. Jeans are loose! Inside my brain, something like this is happening "I could be trim! Lean! Maybe I'll wear bikinis, like, ALL summer. I'll have muscles. Other people will be able to see them. No tummy roll? REALLY? Maybe! Just maybe!"

I'm not on some get-skinny rampage now. It's just that I suddenly feel like all this healthfulness might also lead to a Lindsay I've never seen before. (I have weighed as little as 107 lbs., but I didn't get their with exercise. I was still flabby, with little muscle [which I didn't think was possible at 107? Apparently it is?].)

This Lindsay might look like an ... athlete? Like one of those cute yoga ladies? A gymnast (I *do* have trunk-y thighs)? I actually don't know. But I am totally stoked to find out.

And all because my jeans are a tiny bit loose! Who knew?

using charts & spreadsheets to track my health

Who doesn't know I love spreadsheets? NOBODY. That's who.

I've long created, used, abandoned and recreated Google spreadsheets to track my activity and food intake, but I've only recently (finally!) understood how to use Google's charting options to visualize the data. Which inspired me to go beyond the simple calories-in/calories-out tracking and start exploring my: heart rate, water intake, weight change and muscle/bone/fat/water percentages that I can borrow from our Homedics bathroom scale.

So how's about I just dive in and show you what I see everyday?

the charts

For the most part the charts I've included below display one week's worth of data (for the span between Feb. 28 and March 6).


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the mothership

Here are the raw numbers, which I fill in every day. I have some ideas for more data to add (a count of visits to the gym per week, separate tracking for bike rides, inch measurements to accompany my weight numbers, etc.), but for now this is giving me a lot of great analysis. A note: You'll notice I leave the heart rate/speed numbers blank on days I don't exercise, but I take the time to mark "0" calories on those days. When you see the visualization of those numbers later on I think you'll see why.


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daily water intake

Water! Simple and straightforward. I'm still trying to figure out the best volume of water to keep me properly hydrated every day. I've set a goal of 81 oz. for now (my Klean Kanteen is a 27 oz. bottle and to keep things simple, I aim to drink three of those a day, which brings me to 81 oz.).

I still feel thirsty, and wake up thirsty, so I don't know if I'm overdoing it, need more water, or need to examine something else in my diet. If I come to find that I need to increase or decrease my daily water goal, I'll adjust my chart accordingly.


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weekly points consumed

I already track my Weight Watchers points through my weightwatchers.com login, but I thought I may find some benefit one day (for some reason I have yet to determine) of having these numbers readily available in my charts.

Maybe one day I'll get curious about how my weekly activity performance compares with my overall food intake through that week? Or if my heart rate during exercise seems to spike on days I've consumed more points (or fewer)?

I really don't know yet, but the numbers are there to be crunched ...


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daily & weekly calories burned

I use this chart to keep an eye on my weekly goal for exertion: I'd love to burn 2,000 calories each week. You can see that in the week displayed here, I fell short of that goal.

(And regarding that "0" calories burned I mark on days I don't go to the gym: You can see how that "0" displays on my chart.)


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heart rate zones per workout

I need to further educate myself on what different heart rate zones mean for fitness, but some preliminary reading suggests that if I keep my heart rate in a lower (though elevated) range, I'll be in my "fat-burning" zone.

And that the further I push that heart rate the more it will push my body beyond that benefit and into ... I'm not sure. That's where I need to read more so I can understand what the higher exertion does for fitness training.

In the meantime, I've been trying to keep my heart rate in the first (teal) and second (green) heart rate zones (as determined by my smart heart rate monitor). And that pinky red you see in my earlier workouts? It's me nearly maxing out my heart rate before I started reading about healthy zones and how to approach aerobic training ...

(And regarding those nil data sets for days I don't work out: For this chart and the next, it would be funky to see "0" for my heart rate those days. I think it's more useful to mark progress from one workout day to the next, whenever it may fall.)


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overall heart rate & speed

And here's a big-picture look at my heart rate.

As far as I understand, heart rate is a good measure of overall health. What I do with this chart is keep an eye on my maximum and average heart rates for each workout, as well as the average speed for those workouts.

My thought? That putting those two numbers together will help build a more complete picture of wellness: If my heart rate goes down over time and my average speed goes up, then I'm getting in good shape.


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weight tracking

I had to do a little trickery here, as Google's charting seems to have a glitch: I can't set my X-axis to a number higher than "0."

Why do I want to adjust my X-axis? Because the narrower the range of numbers displayed, the greater the difference appears when I go up or down a pound.

What I discovered: I *can* set my X-axis at a number lower than "0." (Silly Google.)

So I've set the chart range to display between -130 lbs. and -114 lbs.

Which is a long way to explain why you see the line designating my goal weight (115 lbs.) hovering above my daily weigh-in line (which creeps *up* as I lose weight).

*Phew* Did you get all that?


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bathroom scale numbers

The number I'm most interested in here is my body fat percentage, which I would love to get down to 18 percent one day (which would mean me basically being an athlete and shifting my activity into high gear). Right now it's hovering around 28 percent.

I'd like to read up on healthy percentages for these other numbers. Right now, I'm around 52 percent water, 36 percent muscle mass and 3.5 percent bone mass.

A note about this chart: imagine that the walls of color you see are stacked one behind the other, rather than on top of one another. Which is why that little strip for muscle mass looks so tiny (36 percent), even though it's greater than the body fat (at 28 percent).

what does it all mean?

I'm trying to look at these numbers more in the spirit of scientific observation than fire-under-my-ass motivation.

I know I'm making good, healthy decisions. I know that my weight and various body percentage numbers will slowly approach a healthier range. I know my heart rate will slowly decrease as I get more fit.

But isn't it interesting to watch those things happen quantitatively? And couldn't these numbers be helpful to observe hiccups or to help me get in front of bad habits rearing their ugly heads?

I think so.

And I hope you think so, too. Because I plan to produce weekly updates using these charts. Maybe some monthly updates to analyze bigger shifts. And wouldn't it be great to see where these charts rest in one year?(!)

a week of good decisions

Let me put it this way:

I'm drafting this blog entry as I sit and watch my husband make dinner (which he almost always does ... I'm lucky!), and I'm drankin' an entire beer to eat up the last of my bonus Weight Watchers points.

Not even my activity points (I earned 33 of those this week, by the way). No. Just the standard 49 extra points that Weight Watchers doles out to, I think, everyone.

I'm also indulging in a simple and decadent dinner: some Patrick-made tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich (on homemade spent-grain bread!). Even with all the cheese and butter in the meal, I had to make sure to include a little dessert (bittersweet chocolate and a granola square) to finish up those extra points.

You know what else? I exercised a lot this week: four trips to the gym to hop on the elliptical (plus some stretching and crunches), one visit that included a 55-minute body flow class, and a 20-mile bike ride up a mountain and along the Blue Ridge Parkway.

Not only am I working hard to use up my extra points, but it's on a week I would have assumed I'd need them most.

But I haven't needed them. It's interesting ... every time I've come home from a hard workout, I've maybe wanted a piece of fruit, but that's it. It's usually at least an hour before I eat a real meal (and I've been returning from my workouts around mealtimes).

The reason I'm working to use my extra points? I suppose if I left them on the table, I'd technically be eating fewer calories and possibly speeding my weight loss. But I've always thought of the Weight Watchers allotment as an indication of a healthy intake. Under-cutting my allotment, consequently, has seemed like a bad accident waiting to happen.

the week and its accomplishments

What you read above is just an indication of how good my week has gone. Some other things I think were pretty brilliant include:

» I was as sugar-free as I aimed to be and I saw the results that I thought I might. Namely, I didn't experience my typical end-of-week doldrums. My cane-sugar consumption was limited to the granola squares I made last week, bittersweet chocolate and a single indulgence in three Fig Newton's (on a day I was desperately hungry for I-don't-know-why). Otherwise? Fruit and honey.

I'll keep my low-sugar goal for the week ahead. I only anticipate breaking it when I know there's a good reason to enjoy a super-sweet treat.

» One pound, lost. I'm not *worried* about losing weight as much as I am about getting in shape, but it was getting ridiculous that I was making some fairly good decisions and not budging an ounce. Sometime earlier this week I wondered if I was eating too muich "zero points" fruit. Which, of course, still has calories.

So I checked out the USDA's guidelines for daily fruit: 2 cups. Umm. I was eating a load more than 2 cups.

That day I decided to cut back to 2 cups of fruit, and since that day I've felt less full ... and I'm finally down one pound on the scale.

» I got the gym four times, as hoped! The previous week, I'd only found my way to the gym twice. This week, though, I headed to the gym three times before work; then I headed to the Saturday body flow class at 9:30 AND followed that up immediately with 50 minutes on the elliptical; AND AND did a 19-mile training bike ride with Patrick today.

I've felt able and willing to do all this exercise. If my good mood and high energy continue, I think I might have another week like it ahead.

» That bike ride ... It felt pretty good. Patrick and I rode 19 miles. We started by heading straight up Mill Mountain. At the top, we headed left (away from the (Star) and connected with the Blue Ridge Parkway. We rode that until we hit Vinton, at which point we headed back into town and headed home.

We averaged a little better than 10 miles an hour and my top speed on the toughest part of the ride (the final climb on Mill Mountain) was 4 mph. Those are both numbers I want to improve, but I'm happy just to have established a precedent for myself.

And this is what I looked like upon my return ...



Just so's you know.

» Spreadsheets! Oh wait ... this deserves its own blog entry ...

excited about this weekend

So many things to look forward to on a Saturday morning!

» Firstly, I'm excited that I'm excited on a Saturday morning. I can't tell you how many weekends I've started totally down in the dumps, despite the fact that the preceding weeks were productive, successful, happy-making. The culprit? I'm guessing the end-of-week sugar indulgences and Saturday-morning pancake-breakfasty habits. Score one for making a healthy decision (the week in review & its lessons) and sticking with it!

» Yoga! Actually, Body Flow at the Y, which is apparently a mix of pilates, yoga and tai chi. I'm looking forward to the stretching and core workout I expect I'll get out of this class. Also, it's this morning (I'll finish this blog entry and head out the door!), and I have a feeling it'll be a great start to the weekend.

» Making more spent-grain bread, which I think Patrick and I should do our darndest to document so we can share it with you all in detail (and pretty pictures). This stuff is so good, I think we'll make a double batch and freeze the finished loaves that will be in excess. Also? I'll make some malt syrup from his leftover, unboiled wort! It's earthy and sweet and I plan to use it in an upcoming batch of buttercream frosting for god-knows-what.



» A "real" bike ride. Patrick's gonna lead me through my first "real" training bike ride. Meaning it'll be long (I've asked him not to tell me how long until we're done), and that I should attempt to pedal continuously (Patrick observed in a previous, casual ride that I coast a lot, which is a no-no for group road rides and if I plan to ever compete, which maybe I do ...). I'm so looking forward to the challenge, and to spending quality time with Stinger.

» My first "follower" through blogger that I don't know in real life! Liz Loses! I can't tell you the little thrill I got at seeing that someone was following my blog who lives in Ohio (where I have never been), and who's doing the kinds of things with her food and exercise that I aim to do. Thanks, Ms. Liz Loses, for making my day!

a sunday of home work.

I'm excited for Patrick and me today. We have a hike ahead of us (Tinker Ridge to Hay Rock Overlook). We're going to bake and make (Italian bread, granola cereal, granola bars).

I'm going to find my camera USB chord so I can upload all the food photos I've taken this week. I'm going to write some blog entries about our beer-grain bread, about my meals throughout the past week, my goals for the week ahead.

day of indulgent productivity

I believe in a day of rest, but there's this interesting thing I've noticed my past few weekends: I'd much rather get my full-on restfulness out of the way on Saturday.

Yesterday we rode our bikes along the greenway and up Mill Mountain. Then we headed to our first Star City Brewers Guild meeting (for homebrewers and those interested in homebrew). We indulged in lots of scratchmade beer, good food and excellent company.

I suppose we didn't rest, per se, but we also didn't do anything that I'd consider work.

Today, though? After the hike, all that baking and making is what we need to stock our pantry for the week ahead. Maybe we should add hummus to the list, in fact. And we *do* have a lot of frozen blueberries on hand (Patrick woke up early this morning to start our coffee and make us delicious scratch muffins). I think I should turn the extras into quick jam.

And I'll come back to my blog and edit photos, think on the work I've done and the work I want to do. I get to steep in thoughtfulness about the lifestyle I'm trying to attain.

I like Sunday for this kind of work because it feels like I'm gearing up for a productive week ahead. I like the fact that restfulness is starting to feel like a chore I know I need to get done (if I don't take time for rest, I will crash after a few weeks and find myself useless for an entire weekend and in terrible condition at the beginning of my work week).

And I'm not sure how much better it gets than filling a home with the sweet and savory smells of scratchmade food.

hikes & bikes move me.

I've written pretty extensively about how much I love my bike, Stinger. I'm excited for the onset of warmer weather so I can climb back on and up some of these mountains we moved into. In fact, Patrick and I might go out for a ride this afternoon.

So it's clear I love biking.

But after a hike up McAfee Knob with Patrick and my brother-in-law, Eric, last Sunday, I rediscovered my love of hiking.


{thanks to eric beeson for documenting our hike! all photos in this entry are his. see the whole collection from his visit.}

not all movement is the same
I have to drag my ass to the gym. I make myself do aerobics (and eventually I'll make myself do weightlifting again) because I know it's good for me.

Maybe I'll find a groove, or even a love, for these things. But that's a way's off. For now, they're work.

What has never been work, in that mental sense, is hiking. Yes, physically I get tired and sore. But mentally I'm engaged 100 percent. I even enjoy the strain of it: My favorite moments in a long hike are on the stretches of trail that require a little full-body climb, or a steep, lunging ascent. My legs are involved, my abs, my arms for balance.

Engaging these same parts of my body in a gym wouldn't do much for me. But on a trail? Exhilerating.

And this is what I take from that difference: Movement is very personal, and most people likely have a specific activity that engages their body, but also get their whole self excited. I'm thinking of dancers, soccer players, runners, gym rats. Being physically engaged is only part of the reason they commit to the activity. Or maybe it's no reason at all they're engaged. Doing that thing, whatever it is, excites their brains, their spirit.

Hiking is this for me. And biking. These things aren't easy for me, but I'm not put off by the difficulty.

what do they mean to me?
There's something similar in hiking a trail and hopping on a bike: I can do both in a pack, but even when I'm surrounded by people it's perfectly acceptable to exist within my own thoughts. The hike Sunday was full of good conversation, but equally full of a peaceful, easy quiet. When I ride with Patrick we speak occasionally, but I mostly concentrate on the road and my bike.

I know the solitary nature of hiking and biking plays a big part in why I enjoy them. But they're different in these simple ways (for me, anyhow):

My biking is an exercise in constant challenge. When I first got on a road bike last fall, I was challenging myself. When I first travelled a road by myself, that was a challenge. When I see hills, I dare myself to climb them with as much vigor as I can muster. When I find myself on a straight-away and with reserve energy, I attempt top speeds.

The fact that I even wished to push myself so hard in a physical way was an exceptional surprise. I did that through cycling, and I'll probably continue to channel my athletic ambitions through a bike.

So, there's that.

And then there's this ...


{the summit at mcafee knob}

Hiking gets me to a calm space, by way of the ground around me. The views on all the good hikes I've done around Roanoke are quiet and magnificent. The work is hard but the pace I choose is steady and easy. I haven't found a hike yet that escapes sounds of the highway or of planes traveling overhead, but the rest of the soundtrack is crackling and light. It allows me to reach some quiet and very comfortable place in myself that I couldn't get otherwise.

As I'm working to gain a more healthful lifestyle, isn't this supremely important? To be at peace with myself, at ease? I think it is.

so incredibly important
And what if I had never discovered them? I would probably make myself go the gym, and exercise would be a chore. Only a chore.

But I did discover them for myself. So I have a chance to experience exercise and movement in a very positive context. And potentially I get to explore it as a means to get to something else in my life. I've found a way to tap my ambition and to start to move toward a more peaceful, easy place within myself. Won't that lead to something?

It feels like it already has, but it also feels like there is something huge looming ahead.

PS: Look at this dog face. We are two lucky folks, Patrick and I ...

{saazie knows something we don't know. i can't wait till she tells us what it is.}

this go-round: kind to myself

Getting fit / losing weight / eating better can focus so much on all the things that have been wrong, plus a long list of things that Must Be Done To Do It Right.

The process can revolve around setting high goals, introducing good habits, eliminating bad ones, and all this all at once. Because things were bad! And I want them to be good!

In previous attempts to adopt a healthy lifestyle, I've spent a lot of time making plans, writing lists, establishing incremental goals and imagining a finish line.

But this is all to say that this approach can be ... stressful. It can feel a lot like setting myself up for failure. If I decide that certain actions fall in the "good" category and others fall in the "bad" category, I seem to leave myself little room for forgiveness when I inevitably stumble back into a bad habit, or fail to achieve a good one.

this time around
I can feel a difference in myself with this most recent attempt to be healthful: I talk about my goals for the gym as my "ultimate" goals; I eat the donut (and count the points); I sleep in some mornings that I'd planned to head to the gym.

I hadn't found it terribly easy to articulate why I think this is the right approach this time, but I tried to relate it to someone just the other day, and I think I hit the nail on the head. It went something like:

I'm working very hard to do the right things, but I'm taking an approach this time around that allows me to sleep in some mornings. I have to believe I'm making the right choices for myself; that belief is going to be the foundation of my success.

So why is this looser tactic good for me right now? I see two key things that make it feel right:

1. (Specific to my gym goals) I want to establish a happy relationship with my exercise. There are some mornings I DO NOT WANT to go the gym. On those days, I would be very grudgingly hitting my alarm clock at 5 a.m., I'd be donning workout attire that would likely feel a size too small (because of my own frustration at even being awake) and I would take my heavy, slow legs to the elliptical machine.

I ain't dumb. I know that on days like that, many people say that once they make themselves go and get on the machine, they feel better. And I'll get there, one day. But right now, I want to work on building a strong and happy relationship with exercise. I want to reinforce the notion that the gym is a place I go because I'm excited to go there. That it's a place I go because I have the energy and motivation to make it part of my life.

And I have those days a lot. And I have this strong notion that those days will breed more days like that. And then longer visits to the gym. And  then adding weights to my routine. And a class.

I want to nurture my exercise through positive experiences. I *also* want to have room for forgiveness on the days I don't wake up at 5 a.m. and don sneakers. I don't want to rack up guilt over my actions. I know me. Feelings of guilt feed my bad habits. So how about eliminating that guilt?

2. (And I think this is perhaps more valuable) I want to trust myself. The lists, goals, enumeration of bad habits that I've taken up in the past, they sometimes felt like penance for having made wrong, unhealthy choices.

The thing is, I'm not a bad person. Nor am I an untrustworthy sentinel of my own happy life. I treat myself like I am sometimes, and that's another way I rack up guilt; another reason to berate myself; another way to introduce negativity into my life.

I can trust myself. I refuse to do otherwise.

So adopting the attitude that I know it'll all be OK if I decide to skip the gym this morning or to eat that one donut, it's empowering. Because what I *know* is that I'll continue to make good choices. I'm going to find bad choices peppered through my life. It will seldom be the bad choices themselves that lead to trouble, but the idea that I can't recover from them, or that they define me.

I'm defined by the smart, able person that I am. I'd like to start giving her credit.

caveat, of course
These two concepts only work in the context of me having finally come to terms with the work that it takes to be healthy. If I had never learned how to eat nutritiously or that exercise was an absolute must in my life, these could easily be crutches to justify bad decision after bad decision.

I get the feeling, though, that I have learned some things that I cannot unlearn ... about how to be a thoughtful eater and a motivated, active person. Within *that* context, this approach feels absolutely right.

gym confession: i judged.

Let me lay out my little judgy confession right here:

In some immature attempt to help myself feel superior throughout my gym-going years, I've occasionally looked at folks who are going 2.5 miles an hour on the treadmill with ... disdain? With a little eye roll. With a "really? You call that exercise?"

Now, in these moments, I have completely wiped from my memory my *own* slow days, as if I've never been the person showing what seems to be very little effort. I've also laid aside, in those judgy moments, the Lindsay that I know and love. The one who understands that people have bad days and good, that they have different abilities, goals, backgrounds, futures.

And that Lindsay -- the kinder one -- often does chime in when I've had these judgy thoughts to give me a good smacking. Like "girl, *what* the hell do you think you're doing there, thinking that person isn't as good as you?"

why the hell would i judge?
Of course the answer is insecurity. Of *course* it is. Because I know that I'm not naturally inclined to be active, that I'm afraid I'll lose whatever gym mojo I've gained and give in to the lazy person lurking inside me. When I gain my little footholds at the gym, I rarely do so with confidence. This question resonates constantly: "will it last?"

And while I'm not bullying these people who I judge, I'm taking on that persona of a bully within my own thoughts: belittling their efforts to make me feel better about my own, which I apparently have little faith in.

and it finally clicked
It was just yesterday that it clicked with me. No particular reason. I'd gotten my ass to the gym *after* work. It was unexpected, but I had the energy and found myself with the motivation, so I said why the hell not?

I got on my elliptical machine and pushed my hardest. Afterward, I walked the indoor track for a cool-down.

I walked slowly to really enjoy the restfulness and peace. I was listening to Sufjan (Age of Adz). And all around me were folks walking. It looked to be their primary exercise that evening.

There was one guy in particular: young, heavy-set, walking the whole loop at a steady pace. And instead of thinking "wow, shouldn't he be pushing harder? Maybe with some weights? Maybe walking faster?", I thought "This guy is taking time out of his day to dedicate to activity. He said to himself that activity is important enough to reserve time for."

And it was just like that, that I realized it's not the level of activity that's important, it's the dedication to it.

I, of all people, should know how hard it is to bring exercise into a daily routine. It's an effort. It's an action in and of itself. And it should be lauded. It should *not* put someone in the position of being ridiculed -- not for any reason, not even privately, not even in my own thoughts.

first week back at the gym

My very first day — just this past Monday — feels like ages ago. And while I only got to the Y three times this week (and never ventured beyond the elliptical machine for 20- to 35-minute bursts) I *will* celebrate the fact that I went at all. I *will* celebrate that I've started taking some notes on ways to motivate myself to get back.

gym notes.
>> i think these old guys must know a thing or two. Patrick and I moved away from Roanoke four years ago, at which time I'd had a membership to this very YMCA, on-and-off for several years. My best runs were probably when I attended with my friend Melizza. Mela and I were roommates, and we were great motivation for each other to do good ... or to indulge (Mela, do you remember Sunday morning pancakes in that yellow kitchen?! I do. With syrup, and me trying to do the crossword).

In any case, when we went, we saw the same guys over and over. Doing the same exercises. Making the same jokes. Smiling, as I recall.

So I go to the gym this past Monday morning at 5:30, and I see no fewer than four of those same guys, plus a lady or two who looked familiar. Same exact ones. Dressed the same. Same smiles, same machines.

And do you know that it was only in that moment that I realized I'm going to have to look at this fitness lifestyle as *lifelong*? It's something I'd kind of known. Something I've heard people say. Something I'm sure I've said before. But it was in seeing those same faces, years later and still at it, that I knew it deeply. My first week back wasn't stellar, but it was just the first of what will apparently be very, very many.

>> music. I let Patrick do technology things for me. So I let him fill my iPod shuffle last Sunday night before my first return to the gym.

Well, no offense to my lovely husband, but it was silly of me to put something so personal in someone else's hands. Because once I started on my elliptical Monday morning I realized all I wanted was the latest Girl Talk album, streamed front-to-back ... and Patrick's a shuffle-lover. He's a random-music fan. And do you know that my lazy ass didn't remedy this until today, after my most recent trip the gym?

I ended up frustrated every morning I went. What happens is that the randomness of the music makes for varied tempos, which makes for me being variably motivated to move fast (or not fast at all), or to get so into the music that I forget how hard I'm working on the machine (which is what happens when the right song comes on).

Next week I look forward to a consistent, pounding workout accompanied by Girl Talk (and maybe a little Big Boi, cool down to Sufjan or Grizzly Bear).

>> walking the track. It's not particularly strenuous. OK. It's not strenuous. At all. But it's time for me to nestle gently into my thoughts. To be quiet and slow but moving. It's peaceful, is what it is. And it's nice. Ten minutes is all I need.

>> getting my shit together, the night before. This is no surprise, but it's important: If I stack my gym clothes and headphones in a neat pile; if I make my lunch the night before; if I know what I'm going to wear to work ... I'm much more likely to get to my mind wrapped around the idea of heading to the gym at 5:30 in the morning.

mission! Get to the gym four times next week, not three. Do at least 45 minutes on the elliptical each trip, if I don't also add some weight-lifting. Wear my heart-rate monitor every visit so I can get an accurate reading of my workout (as well as establish a way to mark my progress).

since last we met ...

... I've done some good things!

(list!)
> I cleared out my digital spaces. Gmail: empty. Google docs: streamlined & organized. Facebook friends: edited. Google Reader subscriptions: improved! All these pieces of data float, they're weightless. But they tax my mind so much when they're not meaningful, organized, utilized.

E-mail, for instance: I was using it to hold on to information (passwords, recipes, etc.). But I never actually searched my e-mail archives for those things regularly. And in any case, is that really what e-mail should be for? I mean, would I keep a big bucket in my house to store every piece of mail I got, just in case I'd need to refer to it? No, I'd level some importance on each piece of mail, and then *do* something with it. So that's that. My e-mail *must* remain a weigh station until I figure out the usefulness of any given piece of correspondence, and then *act* on that usefulness.

> I signed up for the gym! I had my choice of a free gym membership in the town where I work (through my husband's employer, who's based in Blacksburg even though he works from Roanoke ... where we live), or I could get a reduced membership at a gym where I live (though *my* employer, who's based in Roanoke even though I work in the Blacksburg area. Ha!).

I love to save a buck, but the Blacksburg gym would have meant me adding to my commute (which is already 3 hours total every day), and carefully coordinating my (sometimes unpredictable) work schedule to make sure I get to that gym before it closes. Too many obstacles. And I'm honest enough with myself to know that I'll use things like long commutes to excuse skipping my workout.

So it's a membership at my Roanoke gym instead. And in fact, it's a gym I attended when we lived here four years ago. Home sweet home.

> I went to the gym! It only took me about two weeks longer than it should have to actually sign up for the gym, so I was kind of proud of myself for waking up this morning and taking advantage of my membership immediately. 5 a.m. alarm. To the gym by 5:30. Thirty minutes on an ellipticalmadoohicky. Back home. It was short and sweet, and ultimately I want to *get* to the gym by 5 a.m., but I told myself I'd ease into it. Better I start slow and gain traction than start with a high bar and feel like I'm falling short.

> I tracked my Weight Watchers points all week. It took a little bit of effort, especially on the weekend when we took a great day trip to Charlottesville, Va., and I had to remember all my food choices. But I did it. And I was honest. And I was only 2 points over for the week. When I get on the right track with food, I know I'm in for a string of even *more* healthy decisions. So yay!

> I pre-tracked my breakfast and lunch for today. I've always found this helpful, and almost necessary to set up good food habits throughout the week. Not to mention that I can usually find a time to pre-track, but by the end of a day of looking *back* on food I ate and trying to record it, I find myself full of excuses for not doing it. Which tends to lead to more days of not tracking, which eventually leads to days of not actually making the smart food choices that tracking helps me focus on.

So, a pretty great start to the week. ...

... *ahem* after this confession
My husband planned a pretty amazing weekend for us. I even drafted a sweet blog entry about how wonderful he is and what a productive Saturday and Sunday we had ahead of us ...

And then I got in a crabby, crabby mood on Saturday. And it carried over into Sunday. This happened last weekend, too. And either I *hate* the weekends (???), or there's something else going on. And I think I may have identified it: Saturday morning breakfast.

It should be a treat, right? First day of repose, lazy morning ... "good" breakfast! Of ... donuts! (It's good because it's delicious. Uhuh.)

But yeah, sugar in the morning ... hell no more. Hell. No. More. Because I think it's crashing my spirits right into the ground. Poor husband! He really did have a great weekend planned, and we ended up doing most of the things we intended to: drive to Charlottesville, with a stop at a brew-pub on the way (here's his review of Blue Mountain Brewery); and then good coffee & walkin' our sweet dog through C'ville. And there I was, pouting. Boooooo.

In any case, it's a lesson for my future breakfast: if anything, I'll make it bacon. Hold the sugar.

sunday night meditations

Ooh, that sounds fancier than it is.

Really what I mean is: Here's what I'm thinking about for the week ahead as it draws nearer and nearer:

Back to tracking in Weight watchers! I haven't been in the right frame of mind to do this for a while. But in the past few weeks I could feel all the gears shifting into place. I've been so. close. just. one. more. turn. And I'm there. I've already entered my breakfast and lunch for tomorrow (oats with almond milk, clementine and banana slices, wheat germ, honey, coffee & cream; and hummus, bread, veggies, an apple, extra dark chocolate).

My absence from tracking has been *so* long that I'm just now getting to use the new PointsPlus system. I'm kinda stoked for it ... it's a fresh start! Also, they give you more points (and even though it's because the foods are of higher points value, the mental trick is a treat).

Back to the gym ... and I'm totally looking forward to it. All that stands between me and the gym is some paperwork (employee discount and direct withdrawal from my paycheck so I don't have to think about it!). That should be done by Monday night, so my plan is to head to my first workout a 5 a.m. Tuesday morning. (AM I CRAZY??)

I'll probably keep it simple, just get my bearings. But I know once I make it a new habit, it won't even occur to me to be upset with the early wakeup call.

A new baking project. I'm still figuring out the details, but apparently I am bloody *compelled* to bake for people. And people should not be deprived, right?! So once I get it all straightened out, I'll write more about it ... and this blog might even become central to the project.

My biggest challenge if this gets off the ground will be to keep myself from dipping mindlessly into the cookie/scone/biscotti doughs as I'm putting them together. Maybe they have a machine at the gym to strengthen your will power?

And that's me on a Sunday evening. May the week ahead be as fruitful as I'm daydreaming it to be this very moment ...

weekend warriette

We are drinking BEER and eating BARBECUE and buying COFFEE & CHOCOLATE.

Then we are RIDING BIKES & watching WATCHING WILLY WONKA and HAVING MORE CHOCOLATE (thanks to Bike Roanoke and the Shadowbox and chocolatepaper).

I'm excited for the weekend ahead, and intend to be reasonable in my food decisions. I'll be faced with delicious rich foods, so I'll just eat less of them. Grab the veggies and fruit when I can. Drink lots of water. Gravitate to any whole-grain options, and vow to enjoy every bite when I *do* reach for the less healthy treats (because there's nothing more tasteless than a delicious bite of food that immediately trips a guilt complex).

Here's enjoying a full weekend.

Out, living

I took a little break from this blog, but I wasn't taking a break from life. Some things I've done in the past two weeks:

Rode 33 miles on Stinger, all by myself and exuberantly. I celebrated by getting myself some Chinese food for dinner that night ... vegetables, steamed rice, spring roll, wonton soup. And I usually go for duck sauce but opted instead for the mustard. It was delicious, and didn't add unnecessary sugar to my meal.



Cleaned our house, tip to toe, and kept it all pretty while Patrick was on vacation for a week (so he could come home to a nice, cozy home ... I bought flowers, too!)

Made Italian bread, twice

Make strawberry quick jam, from scratch!

Made peanut butter (it's just salted peanuts, in the food processor ... easiest from-scratch thing ever)

Raked the leaves in our front yard ... two and a half hours of exercise on a beautiful day, with a dog who went absolutely crazy over piles of dry leaves.

Rode 15 miles on my bike just because, including on a new backroad that was nearly all uphill.

So, some things I realized about me and my bike: it keeps me in the moment; I don't think about how many miles are ahead of me or how much work I've done to get where I am. I just climb hills and speed along straight-aways. Also, I like cycling. It's the first exercise I've ever looked forward to. I'm so glad I found it.

shoe romance

You know how I wear these on bike rides?


It's because I can't not feel cute; it goes against my nature. These shoes may be ratty as hell, but they're better than my $18 Target no-name sneakers.

I'm usually all for frugality and simple pleasures; but I've also always loved shoes. Red shoes, platforms, clogs, boots, purple shoes, green shoes, heels, ballet flats. I love them. When I take up a new hobby, it's invariably a good excuse to get new footwear.

So when I started cycling, I was counting down the days until I proved to myself I was taking it seriously enough to get cute shoes. And the day has come (what with our Sunday bike rides, the Creeper Trail adventure, and some solo bike rides that I've taken up fearlessly).

So I got these!!!



I've wanted Saucony originals since I was in college (where all the cool girls were wearing them). That was 10 years ago. And you know what? There's no math behind it, but waiting 10 years to get something I really wanted totally justified me paying full price. Right?

Also ... pink? I'm not normally a pink girl, but I've always been a red shoe girl; this was the closest to red, and I think they may be turning me pink ...

(PS: they're vegan! Bonus.)

sunday rides are here to stay

Because I love them. Patrick and I headed out to recreate a ride we did several weeks ago, when I still just had a mountain bike at my disposal. I listed it as one of my Stinger goals when I knew the bike was headed for an overhaul.

I'd originally thought a long ride on a road bike would be harder for me; mostly I was nervous about what seems to be a more unstable posture over the bike ... and those hand positions: so far from my seat! But honestly — and I've said it before — that road position is ultimately more comfortable. And the thin road tires make for a smoother, quicker ride. I find it easier to keep my speed up on Stinger.

ride highlights


Coffee & donuts. By a stroke of good luck, we ran out of coffee beans at home, so just had to stop by Old City Java to get our morning cup. Where we also got an apple spice donut. Fuggedaboutit. Also, a fresh pour of coffee is exactly right before 15 more miles on a bike.

Pedaling along the flats at 14 mph. Half the reason this feels good is I know I didn't have to keep up a good clip but I did anyway; the other half is that I felt like I was in good shape as I was doing it. It's not an incredible speed, but it's faster than I usually rode at zero incline. Progress!

Learning how to shift. I've got some experience on bikes, but I'd never ridden one with shifters affixed to the stem. Changing gears means I have to balance my ride with one hand, find my shifter with the other, and keep pedaling as I shift. I'm new enough that this is still a freaking big deal. It's meant until this ride that I usually spend more time in the wrong gear than I want to, because I've not been comfortable enough to make the change. But by the end of this ride, I was feeling a little expert.

Riding down the hill of doom. There's a slope just after one of the left-hand turns. The first time we did this ride, I turned and jumped off of the bike; it was ominous. I knew it was coming this time and I was nervous but determined. So this time: we turned and I immediately put on my brakes, but I stayed on the bike. Accompanied by screaming and expletives. "Mother flipper [actually said it] I feel like I'm on a f-cking rollercoaster holy sh-t!" Patrick, meanwhile? Laughing. Hysterically. So next time my goal: no cursing. Time after that: let off the brakes.

Riding up the hill of doom. Different hill. When we got back to the neighborhood, I deviated from our normal ride home because, see, there's this hill. I felt so good from my other feats that I thought I'd at least give this one hill a go. My little monologue: "doesn't hurt to try; it's OK if I get off my bike; there's only one way to know." I sped through a little downhill that precedes the up, shifted to my lowest gear (!!), then I climbed. And did it. And seriously: huge grin on my face all the way home. I even swayed on my bike.

weekend warrior

Productivity, fueld by coffee (PS: I totally photoshopped myself a clear complexion ... forehead pimple! I almost gave myself more eyebrows, too ... )

OK, OK. So I admitted to falling down a little with the no-tracking thing. That's Step 1.

Step 2 is to get back into warrior stance and do some stuff. Including starting to track food again. Hey, wanna see my spreadsheet? I knew you did! I'll explain how it works in a future writeup.

It's nearly ridiculous how much focus this tracking thing brings to my food decisions.

I recorded my breakfast, and I've already written out my lunch (hummus sandwich with veg and feta). I'll be going out to dinner with Patrick this evening and I know I have 6 points left for the day (plus a few extra weekly points if I want to use them). I'll probably drink a beer (3 points) and have a piece of pizza (5 points).

And you know what? I don't feel deprived. I feel in control and happy to know I'm making good choices.

other plans for the weekend
A nice long walk. I haven't exercised since our long ride along the Creeper Trail. I could go to the gym or get on my bike, but after such a long absence — and being in need of re-centering — a walk is perfect. I love, love, long walks. I like the fresh air and the time to reflect.

Brewer's Jam! Patrick and I are going to help man the homebrew club's booth, and I plan on having fun, drinking beer (counting points, of course), and helping my husband hand out tasters. I also designed the homebrewers' tab cards, which was a super fun good time. Aren't they nice?

Write up the next entry in my tracking tools how-to. I can't just let a series sit unattended! I may even write up the third entry, too. (My first entry in the series, by the way).

23-mile bike ride! It's one of my Stinger goals, to replicate a ride Patrick and I took several weeks ago when I still just had a mountain bike. When I originally set the goal I'd assumed it would be a big deal to ride that far on a road bike, but after our neighborhood tour a few weeks ago, I think it's gonna be pretty comfortable. Still, it's sitting there, unfinished. Oh, and it'd be our Sunday bike ride. Another goal, chipped away!

Here's to getting up and dusting yourself off ...

tiny celebration of old accomplishments

Patrick came across this photo on the right from our very first trip on the Creeper Trail (we started in Damascus for that trip, up to White Top, back to Damascus for 28 miles). It also coincides with my very first few weeks on Weight Watchers.

While I'm in the midst of trying to get in serious shape these days, it would do me well to remember how far I've come since I first decided to get my weight under control.

creeper trail, fall 2010

One of my goals, completed! And we had views like this all along the Creeper Trail.

So, how can I sum the whole thing up? Something like this: It was beautiful, difficult, painful, rewarding, long, arduous, fun, body-killing. And I want to do it again.

Patrick's brother, Eric, joined us. We started in Abingdon and the three of us rode the 31.5 miles up to Green Cove Station. Patrick (who is amazing) added an extra 8ish miles to his trip by getting up to White Top Station.

Math: Eric and I clocked 63 miles; Patrick, 70 miles.



the fun
The first 10 miles or so were beautiful and carefree. Abingdon to Damascus (about 16 miles) is nearly flat. As the first leg of the trip, it's great: constant pedaling but without strain (I'd say I averaged about 13 miles an hour); lots of pasture to ride through; a faint whiff of optimism in everything.



A few miles before you hit Damascus, the path gets more loose-gravely, which provides just a little resistance. I started slowing down (not too much, but noticeable, probably down to 11 mph).

We took a nice long break in Damascus, where we snacked on peanut butter sandwiches and apples (Patrick has gotten expert at spotting apple trees; he picked us about half a dozen).

From there on, it was a 14-mile climb to Green Cove Station. And this is where I started to work. The first 8 miles or so of this leg of the trip wasn't so so bad; I probably kept it around 10 mph. But then the grade increases ever so slightly, and I could feel myself dragging. If we do this ride again, it's one of the places I want to improve significantly: I slowed to about 9 mph, then 8 mph, then I'd say I hovered around 7 mph until we hit Green Cove.

Awesome Husband Move No. 1: Patrick could tell I was dragging, so he decided we'd celebrate every single mile. We called them out and cheered. It helped, if only to know he was trying to make things easier.

When we got to Green Cove, we bought snacks (trail mix for me), Patrick set out on his extra ride, and I totally napped. On the porch of the station building. I woke up refreshed.

the pain
But wait. Then I got on my bike. And my butt was sore as hell, and my thighs were burning. And I had 31.5 miles ahead.

Some lessons I learned:

1. Your rear end may be sore at first, but if you just get over it and keep going, it's not so bad after a while.

2. Your thighs will not stop hurting, no matter what, so just live with it.

3. Nearly all 14 miles between Green Cove and Damascus is down hill, and it's fun as hell to hit 20 mph around little mountain curves.

4. My husband is the best husband in the world. More on that ...

When we hit Damascus again, I kept riding while Patrick stopped to buy us some Starbucks in a can (Doubleshot: easy and quick). He caught up with me about four five miles down the road (that's awesome husband move no. 2). I was proud that I'd been pedaling that entire distance at about 12 mph average, but after we stopped to take our drink break, I was slow in the saddle.

And that flat ride that was so pleasant as a first leg was painful as a last leg. Patrick helped me to push my speed when I could, he rode slowly when I couldn't push, and (oh did I mention this? there are gates all along this stretch of the trail) he rode ahead to open all the gates for me so I could glide through.

Overall, I probably averaged around 8 mph in the final 10 miles of the ride. I was in serious pain (my seat, but mostly my thighs, which seemed impossibly used up). And by the last seven miles, we were  celebrating every, single, mile.

The last three miles, I set my sights on being in the car, collapsed in the passenger seat. If I thought about what I was doing, it was hard to comprehend that I had what it took to finish.

And awesome husband move no. 3? This is the best one. The last mile, Patrick — who was tired but much more able than I — reached over as he rode alongside me and placed his hand on my back. And he pushed me.

My body and defenses were so warn by the ride that I nearly cried, it was so goddamn sweet. "You love me!" (I totally said that; twice.) And whereas I'd been going about 7 mph at that point, his help got me to 12 mph.

Just knowing he was there to help was a great relief, not to mention how good it felt to go faster, which meant being done faster.

When we got to the car, I did collapse into that passenger seat, and we set out to eat some Pal's (sauceburger, fries, vanilla milkshake).




And now? I'm ready to go again.

lessons for future long rides
Drink more water!! My muscles may have been less sore if I'd been more hydrated. To do that, I either need to learn how to balance on my bike as I reach for my water bottle, or be willing to stop more and drink up what I need.

Train on the bike more. I probably would have benefited from more experience on long rides before I set out for a 63-mile stint.

Work on my core. As much as I hate standing on my bike to pedal, it would have been a great help if I'd been in the kind of shape to do it more often throughout the ride (both for climbing and for relief as we neared the end of the ride). I was able to stand a little bit, but with great effort. What will prepare me more for those moments is a stronger core, to help keep me stably in that upright position.

ps
Eric B. gets a special mention for flying down the 31.5 miles from Green Cove to Abingdon in 2 1/2 hours (despite probably being as sore as I was) so he could return his rented bike by 6 p.m. The world should know.

where am i sore today?

Thank you, wikipedia!
Latissimus dorsi

Let's play this game.

Today? I'm sore in my latissimus dorsi. For real.

How did I get sore here? Abs class. Whaa? Yeah. Like any good ab instructor, ours had us work specifically on our backs for a good ten minutes last night.

Why am I glad? My core is obviously in need of tuning. Also ... a stronger back is going to make my time on the bike easier.

Where am I not sore? So abs class made my back sore, but my abs themselves are in pretty good shape today. This means two things to me: I'm improving my core; and I need to push harder. I actually really loved doing straight crunches last night because of how easy they felt, as if I had actually gotten stronger. But I also noticed the instructor was stretching a little further than I was ...

happy anniversary to us!

Patrick and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary Monday.

Scratch that. We started on Saturday. We've done a great job in the last few months of enjoying our time together as much as possible; maximizing our adventures, stretching out our weekends. It's especially fun to act like the entire weekend was a celebration of something: our anniversary, my 29th birthday.

I have a feeling this is part of the secret to me getting serious about healthfulness. I know how to have fun. I'm having a lot of positive, enriching experiencing. I'm getting off my butt.

I don't know; it makes sense somehow that having a full life means having more room to make sound decisions. Positive energy breeds positive energy. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. That whole thing.

In any case, our weekend looked like this:

saturday: neighborhood bike ride!
I was getting over a little cold (that Patrick had gotten over a few days earlier), but I'd really wanted to ride from our house to the start/finish point for the 10th anniversary of this neighborhood ride. So we did, damnit. Six miles there and back. A little over ten miles through Knoxville neighborhoods. Twenty-two miles total!



I felt a little like I made up for missing our Sunday ride the week earlier. And let me tell you, this was my first long ride with Stinger, and she was freakingamazing.

I'm gonna sound maybe, I don't know, obsessed? But this bike feels so much better than the mountain bike. Maybe because it's a road bike, and I'm riding it on roads? Right? Also, I love the positioning. I thought I'd feel unbalanced hanging my torso over the bike, arms outstretched. But there's something strangely comfortable about it. (My neck and shoulders are extremely sore, but I expect I'll develop better upper-body support over time.)

Also? I loved riding with a group. Whaaa? I was scared as heck at the beginning of the ride that I was going to crash into the (hundreds of?) other riders, but that didn't happen. Instead, I felt a great energy. Which I noticed only once Patrick and I headed back home by ourselves, and suddenly I got a bit sluggish.

Even then, though, the bike felt easier to maneuver. And I know I made it up some hills with more ease than I had a few weeks earlier on our 23-mile ride around Knoxville.

Progress: it feels good.

Things we did after our ride: brewed beer! I helped. Kind of. Mostly watched. I even took a nap in the middle of everything.

And then we sauteed up some veggies and fried up some sweet potatoes (lesson: acorn squash, skin it!).



sunday
I worked on spreadsheets! I'll write up a series of entries about these tools I built and how I use them. In the meantime, preview:



And we went to see The Social Network, which I loved. I liked it more as a metaphor for the generation than a biopic on one man.

And that was us on Sunday. Spreadsheets? Movies? Perfect Sunday.

monday, our anniversary!
I worked at the bakery, then came home and off we went to Cades Cove to ride our bikes.

Original plan? Park at the foot of the road that leads up to the park, ride up it, around the park and back down. But not so much. The ride to the park is seven miles and straight up. One: I was still a little sore from Saturday's ride. Two: I'm scared of being run over and killed by a car on two-lane roads; especially ones with sheer drops down a (admittedly small) mountainside. And while it's something of an irrational fear, it makes me a nervous rider (which is what would be the more likely culprit if I ever got in an accident). So until I'm more comfortable, I'll stick to wider roads on flatter land.

In any case, that's a long way of saying that what we did do was ride the 11-mile loop around Cades Cove and had a really spectacular, chilly, invigorating ride. So many deer and wild turkeys. And some familiar old churches and log homes.




Note of progress? There's a hill that, when we've riden the park before, I had to hop off my bike to walk up. But after our Monday ride, I couldn't tell you which one it was, because I didn't get off my bike once.

Also? I love Stinger.

We followed our ride with lunch at Tomato Head (our first trip to the one in Maryville), where I had my favorite healthy meal (hummus plate), and where I forgot to take photos. Arg! I'll get the hang of this food documenting soon.

Before we headed home, I picked up ... pumpkin cake! I made up extra pumpkin layers that morning and made a friendly request that it be decorated for our anniversary. Request granted by the best cake decorators in Knoxville.

Then home for a nap (for me) and grocery shopping (for Patrick ... best husband ever).

We rounded out the day with roses (aww), a mixed tape (best one!), and a famous Lindsay & Patrick meal: chicken cordon bleu with rice and veggies (asparagus). Patrick made me this our first Valentine's Day, and the night before he proposed to me, and for various happy celebrations in our five years together.




All in all, perfect day.